​

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

 

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

 

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

 

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

 

I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.

 

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder, and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

 

Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.

​

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

 

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

 

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

 

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

​