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Water skiing for real men!

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AS WE AGE?  WHO AGES??

  • When one door opens and another door closes, you're probably in prison.

  • To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

  • Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

  • When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

  • I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

  • I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

  • If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

  • I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

  • I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

  • When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

  • When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

  • Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

  • My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

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Petting zoo

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